Life
can be complicated and confusing. You question who is in charge.
You
wonder where you are and how you got there. And then you are told that you are forever .
. .
Under My Influence
I sat on
the couch, with my feet propped up on the ottoman, in my living room in my home
in Diablo Valley. I’d fallen asleep, I think. Everything was blurry. Then I
thought I heard a voice. But how could that be? I was alone.
“What the
hell do you want?” I asked, in a not so kind tone.
“You.”
The voice stated.
“You want
me? What for?”
“For all
you’ve done.”
“For all
I’ve done? What does that mean?”
“You
really don’t know, do you?”
“No. I
have absolutely no idea.”
“Sit back
then, and I’ll tell you your story.”
“You’re
going to tell me what?”
“Your
story. In its entirety.”
My eyes
scanned the room. It was empty. Everything was still. Am I going crazy?
“No, you’re not. Just relax
and follow my lead.”
“Follow
your lead? To where?”
“Back,
then forward. Inside, then out.”
“This
isn’t making any sense.”
“Be
quiet. It’ll all come together.”
I shook
my head, thinking I could make this ridiculousness disappear. And I heard
nothing more. Good. I’m back to normal, I thought.
“Normal?
That’s a stretch. I don’t believe anybody would characterize you as normal.”
“This has
got to stop. Come out and show yourself to me.”
”Why? You
know who I am.”
“No, I
don’t.”
“Think
back twenty-six years.”
“Huh?
Why?”
“Your
beginning.”
“Are you
saying that’s when I was born?”
“Yes,
that’s right. And I was there.”
“You
were?”
“I was in
the hospital room. You were a cute little thing. And I wanted you.”
“But you
didn’t get me. My parents took me home and raised me. At least my mother did.
She told me my father wasn’t around much. He was too busy.”
“Took you
home, yes, Raised you, not really.”
“You’re
confusing me. I lived with them until I was eighteen. They loved me and cared
for me. Didn’t they?”
“For your
body, maybe. For your mind, up to a point. For your soul—not at all.”
“My, God!
What are you saying?”
“Please
don’t bring him into this.”
“Hell,
it’s getting awfully warm in here.”
“So you
do know where you are.”
“I’m in
my home.”
“No,
you’re in my home.”
“Then
please turn down the heat. I can’t handle it. The sweat is running down my
face.”
“You’ll
get used to it.”
“Why
would I want to?”
“To be
comfortable in your new home.”
“My
what!” I screamed.
“Calm
down. You’ll wake the dead.”
“This
isn’t real. You’re just messing with my head.”
“If you
mean getting your head straight, then yes.”
“If what
you’re saying is that I have to believe this is real, then you’re crazy.”
All of a
sudden the lights in the room began to blink. I had no idea what was happening
or what to do next. And then, I heard a shrill voice.
“Julian,
are you up yet? You’re going to be late for school.”
“Late for
what?”
“School!”
“Who are
you?”
“Are you
kidding me? I’m your mother and you’re my sixteen-year-old son.”
“Sixteen
years old. No way. I’m twenty-six and this is my house.”
“No,
you’re not twenty-six. And this is our family home. Have you been taking drugs
again? Have you lost your mind?”
“Drugs?
I’ve never taken drugs.”
“Don’t
listen to her, Julian. You belong to me now,” the voice stated.
“Why are
you back? You’re not real. I don’t need you. And I’m only sixteen.”
“You do
need me. I am your forever,” the voice chanted.
“Not
anymore.”
“Good
boy! Stand up to him. He doesn’t control you. I’m your mother, You’ll do as I
say, you little twerp.”
“If
you’re my mother, why are you calling me names?”
“Don’t
question me, wimp.”
“What did
I do to deserve this?
“You made
her disappear,” the voice said.
“Your
saying, I left home.”
“No, I’m
saying you did away with her, when you were sixteen. Now she is rotting in a
world of eternal damnation. And you made it happen.”
“I killed
her?”
“Hm. Not
exactly.”
“What in
hell does that mean?”
“You’ll
see. The voice stated, in a very different manner—a way that made me feel
safe.”
“Am I
still in . . .”
“You were
in a living hell, but not today. And now, you are forever ‘Under My
Influence.’”
There,
standing before me, a statuesque figure, clad in a white suit and bright blue
tie, spoke, “Believe in me my child. You’ve been to Hell and back. I am your
savior. Please, bow your head in reverence.
“Yes, . .
. Father,” I murmured.
Copyright
© 2024 Alan Lowe. All rights reserved.
