You get married believing the union is forever. But things happen and your world is shattered.

How do you make things right? It may not be possible, when you are . . .

Conflicted

The world came apart at the seams that morning five years ago,

My heart broken in a way I never imagined.

With tears in her eyes she lamented, I had not been there for her,

Married fifty years, I had not lived up to the promises I made.

She told me our wedding vows meant nothing to me,

That I had set them aside and left her hoping for something that now will         
     never happen.

I tried to tell her we needed more time to decide what our future together    
     should be.

There was no reason to move quickly—to make a decision we both might    
     regret.

I implored her to give me another chance, but, as I lay in the hospital bed, I     
     knew it was not possible,

For she sat stone-faced and could not hear a word I said.

“Regret,” she moaned. “What I regret is we got married in the first place.

You made your decision a long time ago, and now I have made mine.”

My emotions clouded my mind. I had no idea how to respond, but even if I did, 
     I knew she would not hear me.

My heart beat furiously as I struggled to breathe and the tension of the       
     moment permeated my body.

I engaged in a tug of war with myself, one I could not win.

My mind and heart knotted in confusion; I prayed for the words to flow from      
     my mouth—words that would make everything right.

But they were not there and the anger on her face destroyed me, as she    
     bellowed,

“You are going to another place—one far from my life, one where you can        
     no longer hurt me.”

Today, I stood, invisible at the gravesite, amongst the mourners who           
     wished her well, as she left this earth.

Death may not have been her choice, but her body ravaged by the passage     
     of time and her confused, aged mind left no alternative.

The preacher prayed for her soul and a tranquil existence in the hereafter,

A place where I hoped I could put my missteps behind me and join her for all 
     eternity.

The light of the sun shined brightly, a sign of the clear road ahead I longed       
     for.

My death five years before had left me empty, but now my heart warmed,     
     knowing I might have a chance to make amends and ask for her         
     forgiveness.

Copyright © 2017 Alan Lowe. All rights reserved.