Life is full of misconceptions and misinterpretations that can boggle one’s mind. But we are not alone.

 

We all travel similar paths, as we make our way. And most of us, at one time or another, ask the question, . . .

 

 

"What Did I Miss?"

 

As I sat at my desk staring at my computer screen, I reflected on my youth.

My parents taught me to be honest and always tell the truth.

 

My father believed I should grow into a man that others could count on—

One who had the strength and conviction to get the job done.

 

My mother, on the other hand, focused on how women should be treated.

In my daily endeavors, with respect and congeniality, each should be greeted.

 

“When meeting a young woman,” she said, “introduce yourself as mister, and 

     call the young lady, miss.

Be sure to make eye contact, smile, and say hello and never forget to do this.”

 

I didn’t realize how important her words were until several years later, when I 

     went to work.

For it was at my various jobs that women played significant roles from boss 

     to clerk.

 

It was the middle of May, thirty years ago, my first day of my first full-time job.

That morning I met our receptionist, Miss Pronounce, who called me Boob and 

     not Bob.

 

Then she picked up her phone and called the secretary in Human Resources 

     to come out to get me.

Miss Information led me down the hall to the accounting offices, but I had  

     been hired to work in data entry.

 

Realizing her error, she escorted me out of accounting and led me to the  

     computer place.

There, Miss Assumption assumed I had been called to repair the 

     computer interface.

 

Seeing the confusion in my eyes, Miss Chief, the head of the department, joked,

“Repair, who cares? Don’t let it get you down. You’ll be getting a check and it 

     won’t be revoked.” 

 

Well that was job number one, but number two wasn’t much of an improvement. 

     In mid-January, five years later, I entered the workplace wearing a 

     wool sweater.

A colleague, named Miss Taken, kidded about the moths feeding on it, and  

     then smiled and said, “This place is great and only can get better.” 

 

However, it didn’t and I left after just one year to seek my riches in another  

     employment domain.

When I received my first paycheck there, it was one thousand dollars less 

     than expected and when I complained, Miss Computation said, “Don’t be 

     a pain.”

 

One of the things I dreaded about my jobs was the work review. When that 

     day arrived in my current job, I trembled in anticipation of the meeting.

Sitting around the conference table Miss Evaluation, my boss, and her  

     superior, Miss Management, cut me to shreds, only to find it was my 

     coworker’s review papers they were reading.

 

While the women at work didn’t quite meet my expectations, marriage was  

     another story.

I was married six times and suffered through all but one, however, you know 

     what they say, “No guts, no glory.”

 

My first wife, Miss Function, did everything wrong—couldn’t cook, clean,  

     balance our checkbook, or drive our two kids to school.

She was followed seven years later by Miss Trust, who didn’t believe anything 

     I said and thought I was a liar and a fool.

 

Now, the third, Miss Judge, was a complicated women, who didn’t know right  

     from wrong.

And Miss Guided wandered off the path so often with other men; we had a 

     very hard time getting along.

 

Miss Spell, number five, had trouble finding the write words, especially in  

     walm, sonny whether.

But the jewel of my life is my sixth wife, for Miss Behave is both fun-loving 

     and offbeat and will stimulate my life forever.

 

So, what did I miss? Not much, as I traveled through life

Looking for the best job and the perfect wife.

 

 

The Other Side Of The Story

 

Now in conclusion, had my mother had the opportunity to read this poem  

     before she died,

She would have said, “To see the complete picture, you have to look at the 

     other side.”

 

Remember, she instructed me to use mister when referring to a man.

For example, a friend, Mister Fied, is clueless about what he can’t do and 

     what he can.

 

On the other hand, a co-worker, Mister Erious cloaks himself behind a mask, 

     so you don’t get what you see.

When you come across Mister Cism, in church, you will engage a man  

     who believes he is in an intimate union with God through ecstasy.

And if you have the opportunity to meet Mister Fier, he will puzzle you  

     beyond belief.

Then there is Mister Cal, who will treat you to experiences beyond 

     ordinary understanding, as you float like a falling leaf.

 

So through my mother’s eyes, I learned how to cope with my daily walks  

     down life’s street.

And I know in my heart, whether a man or woman crosses my path, it is  

     with mister or miss, I must greet.

 

 

Copyright © 2020 Alan Lowe. All rights reserved.