When you perform on life’s stage, what would you like your audience to see?

 

Do you want to hide your inner self? This may be the case in . . .

 

 

A Secret I’ve Kept To Myself

 

     “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Please take your seats, so we can begin tonight’s program.”

     The little theater, decorated with golden light fixtures and black and gold carpeting, served as the centerpiece of the gated community of Ocean Crest, a comfortable setting for about one hundred and fifty people. Looking out into the audience, I could see only three or four empty seats.

     “Nice crowd,” I mumbled to myself, as I prepared to address the audience. “My name is Dr. Adrian Fontaine. I’m a psychotherapist in our city of Ocean Beach. My office is located about four miles from Ocean Crest. I received an invitation about six months ago to make a presentation here this evening.

     “I’m familiar with Ocean Crest, as I’ve had the opportunity to attend functions held in your community, but none of you or your fellow residents are or have been my patients. My patients, although living in our city by the sea, tend to be a bit different from the conservative mainstream. They are more artsy-craftsy types of people—artisans who sell their wares at our weekly open markets, but are not involved in other city activities.

     “My therapy sessions are different than what you might think. They are not the run-of-the-mill talk sessions with which you might be familiar. My patients have both a fear of expressing themselves in public and, at the same time, a deep-seated desire to do so. In preparing for tonight’s forum, I wanted to share with you how both these conflicting feelings can be addressed.

     “One of the techniques I employ to do this is called role-playing. Can anyone tell me what role-playing is all about? Yes, the lady in the third row.”

     “I think it’s about acting.”

     “Can you be more specific?”

     “Well, I think two or more people become characters in a scene . . . like from a play. They interact with each other in a make-believe world.”

     “Yes, that’s pretty much correct. To understand each other’s feelings, they may play parts to express these emotions. Sometimes they become each other. At other times, they play roles in which they infuse the characters they are playing with their own personalities. In doing this, it may make it easier for them to communicate their feelings.”

     “May I ask a question, Dr. Fontaine?” a woman in the fifth row called out.

     “Please do.”

     “Isn’t it like dressing up in a costume for a Halloween party? When you hide behind a mask, you feel freer to say things you might not be able to say when you’re not in costume.”

     “That’s correct—a very accurate analogy.” I scanned the group. Lots of people were shaking their heads in agreement. It looked like they were with me, so I asked, “Would you like to role-play this evening? Let me see by a show of hands.”

     Hands shot up throughout the audience. They seemed ecstatic over the idea. I’d worried they wouldn’t want to do this. My only experiences with role-playing in the past had been in the group and couples therapy sessions I conducted at my office or in the classes I taught at the local community college. I’d never tried it in an open setting, where I didn’t know any of the participants. This was going to be interesting.

     “Since you’ve indicated you would like to try to role-play, let’s take a stab at it. I need two volunteers.”

     Many people raised their hands. For some reason I couldn’t explain, I selected two men, who appeared to be very different—one seated in the second row and the other in the sixth. Both seemed to have come alone.

     As the men walked down the aisle to join me on stage, I spoke to the eager gathering awaiting the performance. “I want to assure you I’m not acquainted with either of these men and they know nothing about what they will be participating in this evening.”

     The men climbed the stairs to the stage and stood next to me. I asked them to move to the front and stand before one of two microphones, which had been set up for the presentation. The audience quieted down and sat in silence, awaiting the scenario I would paint in which the two volunteers would engage.

     So I began. “Gentlemen, I would like each of you to affirm to the audience that you do not know the other participant.”

     Both blurted out in unison, “I don’t know him.”

     “Now, I’d like you to introduce yourself to the audience. Please state your name and occupation, so it is clear you’re not professional actors or, heaven help us, therapists. I motioned to the man on the right to begin.

      “My name is Michael Diamond. I’m a ‘diamond in the rough,’” he chuckled.

     To his dismay, the audience didn’t react to his attempt at making a joke. They just sat and stared at him.

     He continued. “I guess it’s obvious I’m not a stand-up comic. I am, however, a jeweler.”

     At this, the audience burst into laughter. It appeared they thought this had to be a set-up—a guy named Diamond being a jeweler sounded like the perfect punch line. However, he assured them he was a jeweler and this time he hadn’t tried to make a joke.

     The audience settled down and the second man began to speak. “My name is David Michael.”

     This sent grumbling through those gathered and a woman yelled out, “Yeah, this has to be a trick—a sham. Michael Diamond and David Michael—both with Michael as one of their names and with the same initials, but reversed. We’re being conned.”

     Before I had a chance to regain control of the group, David stammered, “This is my real name and I have no idea who this other guy is . . . and I’m a hospital librarian.”      

     Sensing his truthfulness, the audience relaxed, and I resumed. “Let me outline the scenario for our role-play. The two characters in the play are Sam and Justin. Michael, I’d like you to portray Sam. Sam is strait-laced, prim, and proper. Although caring, he might be a bit snooty. You will open our role-play sketch. Does this sound okay to you?”

     “It sounds great. I think I can have some fun with it.”

     “David, I’d like you to take on the role of Justin. Justin isn’t a mainstream type. He’s a little different and travels down his own path. He has fears about being accepted. This is all I’m going to tell you. The rest is up to you. Do you think you can handle this?”

     “Uh, yes, I think so.”

     “Okay, I’m going to give the two of you ten minutes to discuss with each other where your encounter will take place and how you might present your characters, as they interact with one another. After your discussion, we will begin.”

     Ten minutes went fast. Then, Michael, as Sam, and David, as Justin, again stood at their mics and Michael began.

     “Justin, you have to leave the closet sometime,” Sam stated.

     Closet? I had no idea where this was going. However, Justin had no trouble responding.

     “But Sam, I’m really frightened. It’s safe in the closet. I don’t want to come out.”

     “Justin, you have to. There’s so much more to life. You can’t hang in here and let your fears get the best of you.”

     “But it’s scary, Sam. I’m afraid of how people will act and what they will say when they see me.”

     “Oh, you’re being silly. Don’t be such a wimp. They’ll love how you look and what you are. You’ll see what I’m saying is true.”

     “But I’m different, Sam. I behave in a way that’s unique. I’m not like you or even others of my kind.”

     “Different is good. Your wonderful qualities will shine. That’s what you’ll discover.”

     “That’s easy for you to say. Your straight-laced, pressed, and people get what they expect. Me, I’m somewhat odd.”

     “Justin, you’re making a mountain out of a molehill. You’re intimate, warm, and quite appealing when you cozy up to your man. Your actions will make him feel good and protected from life’s cold ways. You’re very important in the Lord’s grand plan.”

     “That’s nice to hear, Sam, but I’m still quite uncomfortable. I want to hang in here and keep my distance from the world. Why can’t I be left alone?”

     “Justin, it’s not your call to make. When he comes for you, you have to suck it up and go with him.”

     “Gee, Sam, you’re making me quite uptight. I’m scared of the strange outside world. I’ve been in here a long time. I wouldn’t know how to handle myself out there. Oh my, I hear a plodding, rumbling sound. I think someone’s coming down the hall.”

     “Don’t worry, Justin, you needn’t fear. You know very well he’ll pick me first.”

     “I know, I know. You’re the fancy pinstriped suit that helps him dress to the nines. I’m a thick, loosely woven wool tie. Some say I’m part scarf and can be wound around the neck for warmth. Most of the time, I just hang there. But I’m also prone to swing and sway back and forth. I really don’t know why. Oh my, he’s tugging me off the rack. He bought me over a year ago, but has never worn me. I’d hoped he’d forgotten about me.

     “Okay! Okay! I’m coming out of the closet. I’ll do what you want me to do. I have only one thing to ask in return. Please, oh please, treat me with respect.”

     Michael and David bowed to the audience. In return, they received a hearty round of applause. Some people were laughing, but others weren’t. They had stunned expressions on their faces. I couldn’t help but think, Was this a fictitious story about clothing, or . . . ‘A Secret I’ve Kept To Myself’?

 

 

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