The truth of the matter is . . .: May 2023

Tuesday, May 23, 2023

I read nursery rhymes to my kids when they were little. They enjoyed them.

The other day I got to thinking that nursery rhymes didn’t have to be just for children. And so, I’d like to share with you . . .

Nursery Rhymes For You And Me—The Inspiring Dozen

Note: Each of the twelve new nursery rhymes has a rhyme pattern similar to that of a famous nursery rhyme. See if you can guess the famous nursery rhyme on which each poem is based. You can find the answers at the bottom of this blog post.

Larry Carey

Larry Carey reached for the ball.

Larry Carey was not that tall.

All the boys who had made fun of his size

Couldn’t believe Larry would get the prize.

Larry Carey was not a fool.

Larry Carey did well in school.

He played baseball in quite an amazing way.

Rich and famous, he’s a big star today.

Her Looks, Her Smile

Her looks, her smile,

A soft French kiss is my style.

In close I move, inside the car.

It must be, I’ve come so far.

Her look, no smile,

Should I have waited awhile?

I pull back fast, inside the car.

It won’t be, I’d gone too far.

Pete And Liz

Pete and Liz were in showbiz

To get a smile and laughter.

Pete told jokes

To laughing folks,

But Liz was a disaster.

Pete and Liz gave up showbiz

To have a family.

Liz loved kids

And raised them well,

But Pete was a mystery.

Handy Dandy Candy

The handy dandy candy sat on the closet shelf.

Then the door did open by a tiny elf.

He reached up and tried to get the candy down,

But it was out of reach, which left him with a dismal frown.

Wrinkle, Wrinkle, Aging Face

Wrinkle, wrinkle, aging face,

How did I get to this place?

In the mirror is this guy,

I see him and want to cry.

Wrinkle, wrinkle, aging face,

How did I get to this place?

When the day is done, I sigh.

My aching body asks, “Why?”

I recline in my chair and sit,

Knowing it’s not time to quit.

Wrinkle, wrinkle, aging face,

How did I get to this place?

Sally Ran A Romance Scam

Sally ran a romance scam

To find a wealthy man.

And she told rich guys big lies.

To win them over, her plan.

Poor James came to her home one day.

Had her scheme gone amiss?

She didn’t know how to treat this,

So she blew him a kiss,

And thought he would go on his way.

But no, he didn’t leave.

With head held high, he waited.

For love, he did believe.

Sally wondered if she’d been wrong.

Was wealth the key to love?

She left the house to join James,

As heaven glowed above.

I’m The Man Of The Hour

I’m the man of the hour,

Good and bright.

This is my story.

You know I’m right.

Follow my every word,

I’m the man.

This is it.

I have a plan.

This you’ll soon discover,

For it is true.

Now let me show you

What I can do.

Just believe me, and see.

It is my way.

This is my game,

And you must play.

Sam Green

Sam Green could be quite mean.

His wife would curse and yell.

And so on their nice street, you see,

They were neighbors from hell.

Sam would make a scene.

Jean pointed and glared.

They stood like king and queen,

And made the neighbors mad.

Quiet Sue Chan

Quiet Sue Chan had lost her man

And didn’t know how to find him.

Her friend, Pat, said, “He’ll soon come home.”

She kissed him and hung up the phone.

Quiet Sue Chan fell fast asleep

And dreamt about seeing her man.

When she awoke, she shook in dread,

As she saw a man standing in front of her bed.

The man knelt down on one knee,

And said, “Will you marry me?”

She gasped and couldn’t reply.

“If you say, ‘Yes,’ my sister, Pat, will be happy,” he said with a sigh.

Flush, Little Laddie

Flush, little laddie, don’t be absurd.

The potty won’t swallow you, just the turd.

And if it does, don’t be afraid.

That’s why Mommy hired a very good maid.

And if the maid can’t help you,

Mommy will get a skilled plumber, who knows what to do.

And if the plumber finds no way,

Mommy’s handyman will save you today.

And if the handyman should fail,

Mommy will throw you a very big pail.

And if the big pail doesn’t do it,

Mommy will leave the bathroom lickety-split.

But don’t cry son, Mommy did her best.

Mommy will call 9-1-1; they’ll do the rest.

And if that doesn’t work very well,

Just wipe your butt clean, get off the pot, Mommy won’t tell.

It’s Mind-Blowing, It’s Glowing

It’s mind-blowing, it’s glowing.

The conductor’s all-knowing.

He raises his hand and leads the band,

And beautiful music starts flowing.

Trickery Pickery Hock

Trickery pickery hock,

The thief stole a jeweled clock.

The clock glowed bright

This seemed so right.

Trickery pickery hock.

Trickery pickery hock,

The thief stole a jeweled clock.

The clock alarm blared,

A police siren aired.

Trickery pickery hock.

Trickery pickery hock,

The thief stole a jeweled clock.

He went to jail.

The clock went on sale.

Trickery pickery hock.

Famous Poem/New Poem

Humpty Dumpty/Larry Carey

Star Light, Star Bright/ Her Looks/Her Smile

Jack And Jill/Pete And Liz

Itsy Bitsy Spider/Handy Dandy Candy

Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star/Wrinkle, Wrinkle, Aging Face

Mary Had A Little Lamb/Sally Ran A Romance Scam

I’m A Little Teapot/I’m The Man Of The Hour

Jack Sprat/Sam Green

Little Bo Peep/Quiet Sue Chan

Hush, Little Baby/Flush, Little Laddie

It’s Raining, It’s Pouring/It’s Mind-Blowing, It’s Glowing

Hickory Dickory Dock/Trickery Pickery Hock

Monday, May 8, 2023

We have demons in our life that haunt us. How to get rid of them can be a mystery.

We seek help, but can be surprised by . . .

Death By Prescription

Crash! Bang! Oh, my God! What’s going on upstairs? I can’t handle the noise anymore. His erratic behavior is going to be the death of me.

Oh, Lord, he’s coming down the steps. Now what? I cringed in fear.

Hide. I’ve got to hide, I thought. But before I could do so, he burst into the kitchen. His eyes bulged out. He had the meanest look on his face.

He glared at me and screamed, “You ugly hussy. What the hell did you do with my watch?”

“Uh.” I hesitated for a moment. “It’s on your wrist.”

He didn’t say anything. He clenched his fists, grit his teeth, and left the house. I heard the car door slam, and then the car roared down the driveway. I trembled and struggled to catch my breath.

I picked up the phone and dialed Dr. Learner’s number. Sophia, a respected psychiatrist, is my trusted therapist. I share my most personal thoughts with her.

“Hello. This is Dr. Learner’s office. How can I help you?”

“I need to talk to the doctor, and I have to talk to her now!” I blurted.

“But that’s not possible. She’s with a patient.”

“I don’t care. Interrupt her.”

“Who am I talking to?”

“Lori Weaver.”

“Well, Miss Weaver, I can take a message, and the doctor will call you back later today.”

“It’s ‘Mrs.’ Weaver, and that’s why I must talk to her, now!”

“Okay, I apologize, ‘Mrs.’ Weaver, but the doctor still can’t talk to you. So give me your . . .”

“Are you deaf? Put . . . her . . . on . . . the . . . phone!”

“Can you come in at four o’clock today? We had a cancellation.”

“What don’t you understand about talking to her, now?”

The phone went dead. I sat, trying to control my anger. And then . . .

“Hello, Lori, what’s happening?”

“He’s doing it again? ”

“You’re talking about your husband, Leopold?”

“Who else would I be talking about?”

“Okay. Take a deep breath and relax.”

“I don’t need to relax. I need to talk about Leopold.”

“All right. What did he do now?”

“He’s being himself.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Don’t put me through this therapy crap. You know what I mean.”

“Maybe I do. But I need to know if his behavior is the same as it was before, or, if it’s different. Has it gotten worse than when we talked about him at your last appointment.”

“Worse. Much worse.”

“In what way?”

“He treats me like a piece of crap.”

“Has he hit you?”

“I wish he would. Then I’d know I mean something to him.”

“So you want him to be abusive?”

“I didn’t say that. You’re putting words in my mouth.”

“Then be more specific.”

“He yells at me, and then walks away and ignores me. I don’t exist.”

“Do you think there’s another woman in his life?”

“You think he’s cheating on me?”

“I don’t know, but it’s something we must consider. He is good looking.”

“What? How do you know? You’ve never met him.”

“I apologize if I’m jumping to conclusions. At one of our earlier sessions, I thought you said he was handsome and had a nice smile.”

“Nice smile? How would I know? He never smiles. You’re confusing me.”

“I’m sorry. Let’s change the subject. When you first started coming to me, you told me your father wasn’t the nicest man.”

“No, he wasn’t. But what does that have to do with Leopold?”

“They both looked at other women, didn’t they? And your father cheated on your mother.”

“Yes, my father was unfaithful. But, Leopold? He’s too self-absorbed. This line of questioning doesn’t make sense and it’s making me very anxious.”

“Perhaps it’s best we stop this conversation. Let me call in a prescription to help calm you down.”

“An anxiety drug?”

“Yes, I think it might help. I’ll also set up an appointment for two weeks from today, at three o’clock.”

“Okay. Thank you for listening. Maybe I’m just too uptight to have a productive discussion. The pills will relax me, right?”

“They should. Pick them up this evening and begin taking them, only one per day, as needed. I’ll see you in two weeks. Good-bye.”

“Good-bye.” I hung up the phone. I couldn’t get our conversation out of my mind. Was Leopold cheating on me? And, if he was, with whom?

I went into the backyard and began watering my plants. I’d always found this to be relaxing. My cell phone began to vibrate in my back pocket. I grabbed it and muttered, ”Hello.” A recorded message told me my prescription was ready.

Then it vibrated again. I tapped answer. A harsh voice said, “Lori, it’s Leopold. I’m going to be a little late. I have to make a stop.”

“Leopold, I have to pick up a prescription my psychiatrist wrote for me. Since the pharmacy’s close to your office, could you get it?”

“What’s it for?” he asked.

“My anxiety.”

“I’ve been on edge all day,” he said. "Mind if I take one or . . ."

“Just one. Where do you have to stop?”

“I need to drop off some paperwork. Gotta go. See you soon.”

Before I could say anything else, he hung up. I completed my watering and went into the house to prepare dinner. I turned on the TV to watch the news and awaited his arrival.

Two hours passed and I became worried. And then the TV blared, “’Breaking News.’ A man driving a black Lexus died in a head on collision on Highway 55.”

“No!” I yelled. “That’s Leopold’s car.”

I grabbed the phone and called the Highway Patrol. They confirmed it was Leopold who died in the accident and said they were sorry for my loss. Since the cause of the unfortunate incident needed to be investigated, his body and car and its contents couldn’t be released to me for at least a week.

A week passed and nobody got back to me. I got up the next morning and picked up the newspaper from my driveway. On the front page, the headline stated, “Driver Killed on Highway 55 Died from Ingesting a High Dosage Anxiety Pill.” The article stated that the warning on the drug container label read, “COULD CAUSE DEATH.” Because of an undiagnosed, weakened heart condition, the driver should not have taken this medication. It further specified the car was demolished, but they found a beautifully wrapped package, with a red rose on top, in the back seat. Amazingly, the package was unscathed.

An officer appeared at my door a couple of hours later and handed me the package. How could I have believed such bad things about Leopold? He was coming home to give me a gift, probably to make up for his behavior that morning. I guess I’m the bad person, I thought.

I hugged the package and walked over to the living room couch and sat down. I opened it and saw a card on top of the tissue paper, in which the gift was wrapped.

I pulled the card out of the envelope and gasped for breath. It read, “My dearest Sophia, thanks to you, the awful demon will soon be put to rest, by the drug overdose you prescribed, and will no longer curse me. I look forward to our future together. All my love, Leopold.”