As we age, we wish for a long life. If we remain healthy in body and mind, we wouldn’t mind living forever.

A friend of mine did reach 90 this year. And so, I thought I’d provide her with assistance in how to handle reaching this goal in the document . . .

Becoming “90”

Instructions On How To Proceed

This document certifies you have indeed reached the golden age of 90. Ninety may be broken down in many ways depending upon how young you wish to feel and/or act. 

You may choose to accept 90 as ten 9s. In this way you will regress back to a time where most childish behavior was acceptable. Run, jump, and play as if there is no tomorrow. And since you are 90, if you choose this option, there very well may be no tomorrow.

If the first option fails to excite you, you may choose to break 90 down as six 15s. You have begun to feel like a young woman. You have the hots for anything in pants. You are 15, but trying to look 21. You have convinced your mother to buy you a push-up bra. The turmoil and uncertainty of this stage makes 90 look good.

If the second alternative does not turn you on, you may accept 90 as five 18s. Not yet legal in all ways, you are very much a young lady in bloom. Although not able to buy a drink, you are flying high on youth. Your whole life is ahead of you. Now is the time to decide on college, to think about the work you will toil at for more than 45 years, to make a plan to handle the mounds of dirty diapers you will change, and to envision the man of your dreams with whom you will grow old.  Ninety is looking better and better all the time. 

If the third choice is not one you prefer, you can choose to live 90 as three 30s. With poetic talent in abundance, you can become a poet standing on a street corner in San Francisco reciting poetry late at night to an audience of onlookers shaking their heads. Or wearing your cowboy hat, you can sit atop a bronc at the rodeo, chanting cowboy poetry, while hoping not to fall off your steed. Trying to excel in these arenas may cause you to realize reading poetry at 90 at the library to a bunch of mostly old folks is the right thing to do.

If three 30s do not quite do it, then why not accept 90 as two 45s. You are now an adult in every sense of the word, working 60 hours a week chasing the American dream. You have two or three teenage kids and a husband who makes your kids look mature. Your MasterCard is off the charts and you have mortgaged the house for the second time. “Ain’t life grand?” All this ecstasy makes being 90 quite attractive.     

Accepting any of the above options enables you to live that stage of your life over ten times if you choose 9, six times if you choose 15, five times if you choose 18, three times if you choose 30, and twice if you choose 45. If all this sounds exhausting, maybe living at 90 just once will become irresistible. Have a very Happy Birthday! Party hardy, but do not overdo it. Remember you are 90 and want to get up in the morning.

Copyright © 2019 Alan Lowe. All rights reserved.